LivingwithKids

In yesterday's Times there was an article by Andrew Billen in which he asserts that 40-year-old women (like his own wife) make better mums because they are calmer, they have achieved what they wanted to in work, and they are more mature. 'Motherhood is often wasted on the young, whose attention is often directed elsewhere.'

Hogwash. Personally I believe age has nothing to do with how good a mum you'll be. I know plenty of mums in their 40s who really struggled with the idea they had to put another human being first, and others who complain of being constantly knackered. And I know mums in their teens and 20s and 30s who are fantastic, natural mothers.

But I'd love to know what you think. Do 40-year-olds really make better mums, or is age just a number?

Well we knew it was coming, and now it's been confirmed. The £250 Child Trust Fund voucher given to new parents is being phased out, and will be gone completely by next January.

It's a shame because I think what the CTF did for many families is to encourage them to save for their children, and at least encourage them to think about the future. Existing Child Trust Funds will continue to run.

But more worrying perhaps is the future of Child Tax Credits. According to the recent KidStart survey 44% of you believe families earning over 50k a year should continue to receive them. At the moment nothing has been said about what may happen to Child Tax Credits - but I think many of us will be watching nervously over the coming months.

*Don't forget you can deposit your KidStart savings into any UK bank or building society account.

When we had No 1 Son we didn’t have much money, and while we bought everything new, our pram was a very ordinary one from Mothercare. I think it cost around £120, and it did the job until he was ready for a buggy.

Being honest, even if we’d had the money, it probably wouldn’t have occurred to us to spend £500 on a pram.

Some items – for example aTripp Trapp highchair or a Little Helper funpod – I can understand why you’d invest in.  They grow with your child and they’re design classics, the kinds of things you would definitely pass on.  And of course you should never use a second-hand car seat or cot mattress.

But is a very expensive pram really so much better than a cheaper one? Does a baby care whether they’re wearing a designer babygro? Isn’t the most important thing that your baby feels loved and secure?

I’d love to know what you think - and what items should new parents splurge on, and what items should they save on?

No 1 Son went to school this morning with his hair sticking up like Stig of the Dump, his shirt hanging out and I suspect not having cleaned his teeth. He's at that age now where if I try to comb his hair he pushes me away with a 'Gerroff Mum' and if I ask him if he's washed his face he rolls his eyes and does the exaggerated 'Muummm'.

Not so long ago he had perfectly shiny, combed hair and his clothes were always neat - that was when I was the one responsible for all his grooming *sigh*. All I can hope is that he takes after his father, who is always impeccably dressed, sooner rather than later. In the meantime I guess I'll just have to put up with the scruffiness.

*Do you have a scruffy kid? Do you leave them to it, or do you try to tackle them about it? I'd love to know.

Puffin Books are big favourites in this house, and here’s a fantastic chance to give children in Africa the chance to enjoy brand new books too.

Simply go online to wegivebooks and every time you read a fabulous Tinga Tinga Tales story with your kids, a book will be donated to the Tinga Tinga Tales Teacher Training Programme in Kenya and Tanzania. There are 20,000 books to be donated, and as many as 90 African children can benefit from the donation of just one book!

Brilliant cause and as you can see, Lenny Henry, who provides the voice of Elephant and Buffalo in the Tinga Tinga Tales TV series , is already a fan.  ‘It’s great that children in Africa will also benefit from the success of these stories with actual books being donated to help improve their literacy skills,’ he says. Couldn't have said it better myself.

My friend Vicky’s son has had a bit of a problem with her son wetting the bed. Not every night, once or twice a week. But he’s seven now and it makes it a bit difficult for him to go to sleepovers with his friends. There’s no obvious reason why he keeps doing it, no emotional upset or anything, and everyone keeps telling her he’ll grow out of it. ‘I just feel so bad about it,’ she told me. ‘I tell him it doesn’t matter, but of course it’s really upsetting for him.’

It is estimated that one in seven seven-year-olds and one in five 10-year-olds have accidents at night. I feel so bad for Vicky and her little boy, it’s very distressing for them, but hopefully their GP will be able to help them find a solution.

Meanwhile, if your child is experiencing the same problem, you may be interested to know that Pampers have brought out Underjams, protective pants to wear under pjs, which they could wear at a sleepover without anyone being any the wiser. You can get a free sample here.

*Have you experienced problems with bed wetting in children over the age of four? If you have any tips or advice, please leave them in the comments below.

The last time I spoke to my father was on a Friday morning. I was at university in America, and I had been terribly homesick. Dad rang me every morning at 8am, to check that I was OK, to tell me funny stories. ‘I’ll call you on Monday,’ he said. ‘Have a good weekend.’ ‘OK,’ I said.

But on the Sunday afternoon, I had a phone call from home. Dad had dropped dead from a sudden, massive heart attack. The next morning, at 8am, the phone did not ring. Shock and disbelief subsided, terrible realisation dawned. My wonderful father was gone forever. He was 58.

What killed my dad was smoking.

My earliest memories include waking up to the sound of my dad’s smokers’ cough. He had snow white hair (he had gone prematurely grey at 24) but there was a telltale yellow streak – a nicotine stain. He always smelled sweet (Brylcream and Brut) but he was a heavy smoker. Once he bit on a bonbon and three of his teeth fell out. My sister and I thought it was hilarious. It was only later we realised they had rotted because of his addiction.

I can also remember long car journeys where my sister and I felt sick because my dad was chain smoking. It is one of the reasons I have never smoked, even when my friends were buying cigarettes for 1p a go at the shop outside our school and trying to get me to have a drag. It is the reason why I was so angry when I discovered my sister smoked (she stopped when she became pregnant).

My dad wasn’t an ignorant man, he would never have intentionally put his children at any risk, but he grew up in an era where there wasn’t nearly as much information about the dangers of smoking. By the time he realised, it was probably too late. He would have been 80 in April, and it still hurts that we lost him so young.

That’s why I wholeheartedly support the doctors who are calling for a ban on smoking in front of children, but particularly in cars.

Research shows that non-smokers who live with smokers have a greater risk of heart disease than those who don’t. That's a cold, hard fact.

What adults do when they’re on their own is their business. But smoking in front of children is never, ever OK.

One of my friends is currently going through fertility treatment. She has been trying for three years, and everything is against her - her age, her medical history. Every month she has the awful moment when she realises that no, she isn't pregnant and the realisation that her dreams of becoming a month are slipping further and further away. It is becoming too late for her to adopt.

My heart goes out to her, not least because the odds were stacked against me becoming a mum, too. I had endometriosis,  PCOS, a pituitary tumour and suffered a miscarriage. When I was pregnant with No 1 Son I developed hyperemesis, and to be honest it was touch and go for a while.

And that's why I never, ever take motherhood for granted. I never forget that children are the most precious gift, even when they're being naughty or driving you to distraction and you're having to count to 10 not to lose your temper with them big time. (My grandmother used to say 'never go to bed on an argument' and that's always been the rule in this house.)

So today, Mother's Day, I'm thinking about those women who can't have children but so desperately want to be mums. The women who die in pregnancy and childbirth. Those whose children are sick or who have suffered bereavement. And the mums who weren't able to see their kids grow up.

Lucky doesn't even come close.

Happy Mother's Day xxx

Yesterday one of my friends said something which really surprised me. ‘It’s much more difficult raising girls,’ she said. ‘With boys, you don’t have to worry about things like pregnancy.’

Well, apart from the fact boys probably do worry about things like pregnancy when they’re old enough to understand that actions have consequences, I think this is nonsense.

Raising boys comes with its own set of problems – as they grow up, they’re probably more vulnerable to dangers outside the home, for example, like fights and random attacks.

And I would say both boys and girls are equally at risk of bullying and stranger danger.

But maybe I’m wrong. What do you think?