LivingwithKids

Yesterday one of my friends said something which really surprised me. ‘It’s much more difficult raising girls,’ she said. ‘With boys, you don’t have to worry about things like pregnancy.’

Well, apart from the fact boys probably do worry about things like pregnancy when they’re old enough to understand that actions have consequences, I think this is nonsense.

Raising boys comes with its own set of problems – as they grow up, they’re probably more vulnerable to dangers outside the home, for example, like fights and random attacks.

And I would say both boys and girls are equally at risk of bullying and stranger danger.

But maybe I’m wrong. What do you think?

It's hard to believe that it's been nearly a year since Jade Goody died.

I met her a couple of times, and I can honestly say she was one of the most genuine celebrities I've ever encountered. Which is why it doesn't surprise me in the slightest that she has left the bulk of her fortune to her boys.

Her children were her whole world. Unlike other celebs who seem hooked on the publicity, from the moment she became a mum Jade saw her fame as a job, an opportunity to provide for her sons. Everything she did was for them. She was the Real Mum Deal.

Jade's other legacy, of course, was to remind us all of the importance of regular smear tests.

But I think that knowing about the contents of her will is actually an important reminder of why we all need to make sure our children are properly provided for, even if we haven't got million pound fortunes. No one likes to think about the worst possible scenario, but when you have kids of course you have to, and I'm ashamed to say I've been putting it off and putting it off.

That's it. It's on my To Do list for this week.

Heather at Notes from Lapland has written a powerful post this morning about her fears as her child recovered from an operation.

And Ellie recently wrote about The Fear.

I know exactly how they feel, because my parenting experience has been pervaded by The Fear. I do everything I can to make sure my offspring is safe, but it's the things I can't control which make me afraid.

First of all there's the asthma. If you don't have a child with asthma, or you've never encountered someone with it, you can't understand how serious it can become. I mean properly, life-threateningly serious. We manage it and it's getting better. He's sensible, most of the time. But when he's at school or at a sleepover I can't remind him to use his inhaler if he needs it and that terrifies me. I know he's worried about using it in front of other kids.

Then there's the stranger danger. This never goes away, to be honest. We've done all the right things - taught Run Yell and Tell, a password that only we know, avoid walking too close to the edge of the road, don't accept lifts or agree to go and look at puppies, and so on. But The Fear is always there.

And finally there's the What If element of The Fear, the fear of the unknown. What If they forget to look when they're crossing the road. What If they get into a fight when they're 18 and someone pulls a knife. What if they drink too much or take drugs which mean they never wake up.

I wish I could be one of those parents who doesn't seem to worry. I'm not. All we can do is arm them with the skills they need to cope with the dangers we perceive on their behalf. Maybe voicing our fears - not to them, to each other - is a way of coping with them.

One of my friends is struggling at the moment because her little girl refuses to be left alone, even for a few minutes, and she's able to climb over their stairgate, which makes doing anything extremely difficult. By the time her husband gets home from work she is too exhausted to relax properly. 'I love being a mum more than anything, but I just need some time to myself,' she told me yesterday.

I can understand how she feels, because when No 1 Son was little he went through a phase of not even letting me go to the loo without creating a massive tantrum. Major Separation Anxiety, in fact. What cured it for us was nursery - he soon realised there were far more interesting people in the world than Mummy (and they were all his height, too!) but I realise that's not an option for everyone.

If you have willing relatives then they can usually be persuaded to give you a few hours away from your offspring a week so you can go to the gym/go for a swim/meet up with your friends. But if you don't have anyone close by then even that can be difficult.

How much time do you get for yourself - and what are your tips for mums who feel that they never get any 'Me Time'?

Now obviously this is REALLY aimed at children under six and not their mummies. But Disney has created the Disney Princess Dance, supported by the British Dance Council, to encourage youngsters across the UK to get active.

The campaign, launched by the lovely Sinitta (seen above with her daughter Magdalena), involves over 1500 dance schools around the UK.

You can find a participating school and try the online tutorial here. I mean with the kids, naturally, not by yourself when everyone’s out *cough*.

A report came out yesterday that said it now costs £200k to raise a child. £200k! While I think that's probably really only the case for a very small percentage of the population there's no getting away from the fact that raising kids IS expensive. Even with the most careful budgeting, there is always something to buy - clothes, shoes, toys, books, games, clothes, shoes, toys... and that's without factoring in anything like holidays and um... university *eek*.

In her fab book the catchily titled ‘How To Afford Time Off with Your baby’ (available from Waterstones) full-time mum Becky Goddard-Hill gives 101 ways to ease the financial strain of having kids. Like me, she’s a fan of online grocery shopping to save money, stocking up and she also has some really cool tips on cutting the cost of children’s parties, saving for your baby’s future (don’t forget KidStart is a great way to do this) and cheaper Christenings, plus lots more.

You can also find expert tips  here and advice on how to make sure you and your friends are getting everything you're entitled to here.

*What are your favourite money saving tips? Share them below:

Yesterday one of my friends rang me because her 18-month-old had bruised her head. ‘Did she cry?’ I asked. ‘Yes – and it’s come out in an enormous lump,’ she said. ‘She’ll be fine,’ I said confidently. ‘Take her to the doctor’s if you’re worried, but it’s when they don’t cry and there’s no visible injury you really have to worry.’

But immediately after putting the ’phone down, I started to panic. What if I’d given her the wrong advice? Check with the doctor, I texted. Just in case.

It reminded me that even though I’ve been through quite a few milestones, I shouldn’t be overly confident. I still might make mistakes. I’m not (*whisper it*) infallible.

And then it hit me. What if everything I’m doing now is wrong? What if my offspring turns round in 10 or 20 years time and accuses me of a Larkin-style mess up? Am I too pushy, too laidback, too clingy, too ratty? Will the times I’ve been up all night making school play costumes be remembered, and the times I washed the iPod or burnt the dinner be forgotten?

The lovely Leslieanne wrote a post at the weekend about feeling out of her depth when her baby was ill, and most mums I know feel like that sometimes. All we can do, I guess, is our best.

I try to do my best, every day. I do, honest. Sometimes my best isn’t good enough, sometimes we have a disastrous day and I wish we could go back to the morning and start again, but I know that tomorrow we can start over. For now.

*What about you? Are you a confident parent, or do you feel like you still have a lot to learn?  I’d love to know.

One of my friends is the proud mum of a little girl who was born with a rare genetic disorder, and without wishing to embarrass her, I'm in total awe of them both. The way she and her daughter interact is absolutely magical and it does my soul good to see them together.

I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to carry and give birth to a much-longed for and apparently healthy child only to discover something is wrong, so my heart goes out to anyone who has had to cope with this. Last Tuesday's incredibly moving BBC1 documentary Having a Baby to Save My Child revealed the plight of two families affected by rare genetic disorders and their extraordinary courage and dignity was utterly humbling. Sadly there are thousands more families across the UK who are also in this situation.

Sunday is Rare Disease Day - a chance to show your suppport for those children and their parents coping with rare genetic disorders. If you're able to raise funds by a bake sale or anything else I know they'll be very gratefully received. You can also donate your KidStart savings to GIG, the Genetic Interest Group charity  by clicking here.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

How cool is Tomy's new mOmma range of bottles and feeding utensils for little ones? Not only is the range available in one of the best colours (orange), but it's really brilliantly designed to help babies and toddlers with their hand-eye coordination and grip, and it's also BPA free.

The range includes the Bottle Starter Kit (£31.49), Developmental meal set (£15.99) and incredibly cute Baby bib (£8.49). All available from Kiddicare (who also have a car seat sale on at the moment).

When we were growing up my sister and I knew a couple of kids who called their mums by their first names. This always seemed so cool and I often thought that when I became a mum I'd like my offspring to call me by my first name, too.

But when you become a mum and you hear your baby call you 'Mumm-mum-a', then 'Mummy' for the first time, it's the most magical feeling, and I was happy to be known as this.

Gradually Mummy became shortened to 'Mum', except in an emergency. That was fine too.

Then Mum became 'Mu-ummm'. Usually shouted from the top of the stairs.

Now I have a couple of new names. I'm either 'Mumwheresmytrainers' or 'Mumwheresmyschoolshoes'.

Hmmm.

What do your children call you?