LivingwithKids

It's hard to believe that it's been nearly a year since Jade Goody died.

I met her a couple of times, and I can honestly say she was one of the most genuine celebrities I've ever encountered. Which is why it doesn't surprise me in the slightest that she has left the bulk of her fortune to her boys.

Her children were her whole world. Unlike other celebs who seem hooked on the publicity, from the moment she became a mum Jade saw her fame as a job, an opportunity to provide for her sons. Everything she did was for them. She was the Real Mum Deal.

Jade's other legacy, of course, was to remind us all of the importance of regular smear tests.

But I think that knowing about the contents of her will is actually an important reminder of why we all need to make sure our children are properly provided for, even if we haven't got million pound fortunes. No one likes to think about the worst possible scenario, but when you have kids of course you have to, and I'm ashamed to say I've been putting it off and putting it off.

That's it. It's on my To Do list for this week.

Yesterday to the surprise of my offspring and myself, I uttered a phrase which I honestly thought I would never use.

A phrase that my mum uses regularly, which basically makes it pre-War (or older, as I suspect she inherited from her mum).

What was it?

'Wrap up warm, you’ll catch your death of cold.’

Now apart from the fact that this is, obviously, quite a scary thing to say to a child and the concept of dying because you've forgotten to put on an extra layer of clothing or a scarf could be deemed as scaremongering, what’s surprising to me is that apparently I’ve inherited more of my mum’s parenting technique than I realised.

Not that she’s a bad parent – far from it. But apart from occasional advice from Annabel Karmel and Gina Ford, I honestly thought I was making it up as I go along. (My mum was also incredibly liberal when we were growing up, and we were latchkey kids from the age of 11. Not what I want for my offspring.)

I thought I was a Maverick Mum.

*What about you - do you think you've 'learned' your parenting techniques, or do you do it your way? I'd love to know.

All mums could do with a bit of pampering from time to time (hint hint, MotH) and one of the best gift ideas for Mother’s Day has to be a spa treatment – either gift vouchers or a visit arranged as a surprise.

And because mums-to-be need lots of TLC I thought I’d surprise the lovely Amy – a mum of four with one on the way - with a visit to the Sienna Spa at the Radisson Edwardian Hotel  in Manchester. Here’s what she thought of her experience:

‘My first impression of the spa was the fabulous smell, the lighting was soft and relaxing and the assistants were very friendly and informative. I turned up a bit early but I'm glad that I did because I was given a complimentary drink and guided into the relaxation room to start my spa experience.

There were nice deep chairs, soft lighting and relaxing music being played through the speakers at just the right level. The room overlooked the swimming pool and Jacuzzi, which looked gorgeous. Don’t forget your swimming costume!

After relaxing for a few minutes I was greeted by my therapist and lead to the treatment room. The room was lovely. Candles were lit, the lighting was dim and once again relaxing music flowed calmly through the air. I had the New Life treatment (£55) which is specially designed for pregnant women. My therapist ran through the treatment with me which started with a back, shoulder and neck massage before progressing onto the rest of my body. It was so relaxing and I felt completely at ease throughout. The final step was a lovely facial.

'The whole experience was great, I felt so good afterwards and I smelt wonderful from the amazing cream that was used on me. I would recommend this treatment to anyone who wants a hour of total carefree relaxation. The team at the Sienna spa were very helpful and caring which made me feel at ease from the moment I walked through the door. This is the perfect gift to give to someone you know who is pregnant or just to book yourself for a last minute bit of pampering before your baby arrives.’

The White Ribbon Alliance for Safe Motherhood, including Global Patron Sarah Brown and WRA Ambassador Naomi Campbell, are asking people around the world to wear white and hold a dinner party in March to celebrate the 100th year of International Women’s Day, which is on the 8th.

Now as I can’t invite all of you round to my house unless you’re happy for it to be standing room only, I thought I would hold a virtual dinner party  - with a little help from some of my talented friends.  I hope it inspires you to host your own.

Here’s what’s on the menu:

Starter Carrot and Coriander soup served with crusty granary bread (created by Sandy from Baby Baby)

Main course
Pan Fried Sea Bass fillets with new potatoes crushed with spinach watercress and rocket (courtesy of Nick from My Daddy Cooks)
or

Tender Sweet Chicken Satay (from My Daddy Cooks) served with Persian Jewelled Rice (made by Carly at Wives and Daughters) or Butternut Squash Risotto from English Mum

Dessert Cheesecake courtesy of Lorraine from Ramblings of a Mum on the Run or Divine Chocolate’s Little Hot Chocolate Mousse. Served with cream.

Mmmmmm. Enjoy!

Heather at Notes from Lapland has written a powerful post this morning about her fears as her child recovered from an operation.

And Ellie recently wrote about The Fear.

I know exactly how they feel, because my parenting experience has been pervaded by The Fear. I do everything I can to make sure my offspring is safe, but it's the things I can't control which make me afraid.

First of all there's the asthma. If you don't have a child with asthma, or you've never encountered someone with it, you can't understand how serious it can become. I mean properly, life-threateningly serious. We manage it and it's getting better. He's sensible, most of the time. But when he's at school or at a sleepover I can't remind him to use his inhaler if he needs it and that terrifies me. I know he's worried about using it in front of other kids.

Then there's the stranger danger. This never goes away, to be honest. We've done all the right things - taught Run Yell and Tell, a password that only we know, avoid walking too close to the edge of the road, don't accept lifts or agree to go and look at puppies, and so on. But The Fear is always there.

And finally there's the What If element of The Fear, the fear of the unknown. What If they forget to look when they're crossing the road. What If they get into a fight when they're 18 and someone pulls a knife. What if they drink too much or take drugs which mean they never wake up.

I wish I could be one of those parents who doesn't seem to worry. I'm not. All we can do is arm them with the skills they need to cope with the dangers we perceive on their behalf. Maybe voicing our fears - not to them, to each other - is a way of coping with them.

One of my friends is struggling at the moment because her little girl refuses to be left alone, even for a few minutes, and she's able to climb over their stairgate, which makes doing anything extremely difficult. By the time her husband gets home from work she is too exhausted to relax properly. 'I love being a mum more than anything, but I just need some time to myself,' she told me yesterday.

I can understand how she feels, because when No 1 Son was little he went through a phase of not even letting me go to the loo without creating a massive tantrum. Major Separation Anxiety, in fact. What cured it for us was nursery - he soon realised there were far more interesting people in the world than Mummy (and they were all his height, too!) but I realise that's not an option for everyone.

If you have willing relatives then they can usually be persuaded to give you a few hours away from your offspring a week so you can go to the gym/go for a swim/meet up with your friends. But if you don't have anyone close by then even that can be difficult.

How much time do you get for yourself - and what are your tips for mums who feel that they never get any 'Me Time'?

There have been so many horrible stories in the news recently I find myself switching channels and quickly folding newspapers every time my offspring enters the room. It's not just because I'm a Cotton Wool Mum, or that I'm trying to preserve innocence as long as possible (well, maybe a little bit). But it's also because I feel there's only so much reality kids can handle, which is probably why they like magical stories so much.

Sometimes, though, there is no escaping reality. In my niece's first year at secondary school, one of her friends killed herself. There had been no warning signs. Suddenly my niece and her friends who had previously been concerned with nothing deeper than High School Musical were forced to confront serious issues like depression and suicide.

Psychologists advise you should be honest with children old enough to understand if you're struggling with money - 'tell them things are a bit tight, but you'll still have fun,' advises Christine Webber. But I know some parents who would rather go further and further into debt rather than admit to their kids that they can't buy them everything they want. I also know couples whose marriages are hanging on by a thread, but they would rather stay together and preserve the illusion of a perfect family – even though their hostility towards each other spills over into their children’s everyday lives.

So, how much reality do you think we should share with our kids?

Despite Government guidelines urging new mums to breastfeed for the first six months*, a new KidStart survey has found that just 44% of you believe breastfeeding is always best.

Over 1000 of you took part in the survey, which revealed 19% feel it’s important to put their own wellbeing first. 16% believe mums should always put their baby’s needs first, while 13% feel it’s important to research all the arguments in favour of breastfeeding and bottle feeding before making a decision. A further 8% argued that no one had the right to tell them how to feed their babies.

As my recent post on breastfeeding v bottlefeeding showed, many of you feel very strongly about being told how to feed your babies - and quite right too. But a friend of mine who gave birth recently said she was astonished to find she was the only one on the ward of 10 women who was breastfeeding her baby. Perhaps some mums still aren't getting the support and encouragement they need to breastfeed.

‘Breastfeeding is the method that has been proven to be the most beneficial time and time again,’ says LivingwithKids' GP Dr Clare Heggie. ‘Unfortunately it does not suit everyone and lots of women who try breastfeeding and had to give up for one reason or another are left feeling guilty and that they have failed. Ultimately, the decision of whether to breast or bottle feed has to be made by the mum and there is no point trying to breast feed when mum just doesn't want to do it or when breast feeding is intolerable either to Mum or baby. It is vital that mums make their own decision about feeding using all the information provided.’

*What do you think - are you surprised by the survey results?

Kids love scooters - and here's your chance to win one!

The Micro Scooter team is introducing a new, limited edition set of eye-catching colours to their Mini Micro collection - they're available in green, yellow and red. But you can also buy red, green and yellow handle grips, decks and brakes as separates, allowing existing Micro Scooter owners to ‘pick n mix’ accessories to ‘revamp their ride’!

The Mini Micro Scooter in the UK’s number one selling scooter for kids aged 3-5 years.   Its high quality Swiss design makes scooting fun and easy for youngsters who love the independence and sense of achievement the Mini Micro Scooter gives them.  The new limited edition colours are available exclusively at http://www.micro-scooters.co.uk/, costing £54.95.

But we have three to give away in our fab competition!

All you have to do is email your answer to the following question with your name, address and daytime telephone number from your KidStart registered email address to competitions@kidstart.co.uk by the closing date March 9. If you are not a KidStart member click here to join.

Question: Which limited edition colours is the Mini Micro Scooter available in?

Yesterday one of my friends rang me because her 18-month-old had bruised her head. ‘Did she cry?’ I asked. ‘Yes – and it’s come out in an enormous lump,’ she said. ‘She’ll be fine,’ I said confidently. ‘Take her to the doctor’s if you’re worried, but it’s when they don’t cry and there’s no visible injury you really have to worry.’

But immediately after putting the ’phone down, I started to panic. What if I’d given her the wrong advice? Check with the doctor, I texted. Just in case.

It reminded me that even though I’ve been through quite a few milestones, I shouldn’t be overly confident. I still might make mistakes. I’m not (*whisper it*) infallible.

And then it hit me. What if everything I’m doing now is wrong? What if my offspring turns round in 10 or 20 years time and accuses me of a Larkin-style mess up? Am I too pushy, too laidback, too clingy, too ratty? Will the times I’ve been up all night making school play costumes be remembered, and the times I washed the iPod or burnt the dinner be forgotten?

The lovely Leslieanne wrote a post at the weekend about feeling out of her depth when her baby was ill, and most mums I know feel like that sometimes. All we can do, I guess, is our best.

I try to do my best, every day. I do, honest. Sometimes my best isn’t good enough, sometimes we have a disastrous day and I wish we could go back to the morning and start again, but I know that tomorrow we can start over. For now.

*What about you? Are you a confident parent, or do you feel like you still have a lot to learn?  I’d love to know.