Yesterday morning we were woken up by a brass band marching down the middle of our road. At first we thought we were dreaming but no, it turned out to be the local Girls' Brigade. Still, at least it meant we were up good and early, and by midday we were embroiled in a family 'discussion'.
Most families I know have rows which, like a scratched record without the benefit of a Mark Ronson remix, are repeated over and over again. In our house it's The Chore Row, which includes the No 1 hit 'Please make your bed' and the latest single, 'Get off the X-Box.'
Psychologists will tell you that often you're not arguing about the thing you think you're arguing about at all. So 'Get off the X-Box' really means 'I'd love to spend a bit more time with you before you grow up and leave home.' (Although 'Please make your bed' means exactly that.)
Since our kids were small my sister and I have endured The Interfering Row with our mum. It began with 'Are you sure the babies are warm enough?' and now it's 'Do you think they should be wearing that?'
This weekend our row gained a new verse. Over a cup of coffee, Mum asked if 'the kids are having enough milk'. 'Grrrr,' I grrred.
Back home, though, a quick glance at the calendar reminded me that in a month's time she's having an operation under a general anaesthetic, her first for over 40 years. So when she asks if 'the kids are having enough milk', what she really means is 'I love my grandchildren, and I'm worried I won't be around to see them grow up.'
Sometimes you have to look for the hidden meaning in the lyrics.