I feel sorry for anyone who knocks on the door this morning, because they'll be greeted by a woman in a dressing-gown who looks as though she's wandered off the set of Shaun of the Dead. Yes, I have swine flu and it's going to take more than some lipstick and a hair brush to make me look presentable.
I'm not really surprised, because we spent at least two afternoons at the doctor's last week (half-term!) with various child-related ailments. Hanging around in that waiting room looking at the dog-eared copies of Hello! is almost guaranteed to make you ill, even if you weren't to begin with.
So my symptoms started off on Friday with a cough. A dry (non-productive) cough, roughly every half-an-hour, that sounds a bit like croup. Then a terribly upset stomach and abdominal pain. High fever. Runny nose. Sore throat. Overwhelming nausea. Headache. Complete loss of appetite (anyone who knows me knows this is highly unusual). And an overwhelming urge to sleep. I also have earache, which may or may not be related. 'Keep taking the Tamiflu,' the doctor told me. It's not a cure, but it's supposed to alleviate the symptoms.
24 hours and three doses later, and my temperature has lowered slightly, my stomach has settled, but I still have the incredibly annoying cough, the headache, fuzziness and exhaustion. I feel very sorry for any babies or children with this, because it's blimmin' horrid.
And the Man of the House is speaking to me in a soft, sympathetic tone and No 1 Son actually made his bed this morning without being asked. I must be sick.