How much time do you get to yourself?

Mar 3 • Featured • 688 Views • 7 Comments on How much time do you get to yourself?

One of my friends is struggling at the moment because her little girl refuses to be left alone, even for a few minutes, and she's able to climb over their stairgate, which makes doing anything extremely difficult. By the time her husband gets home from work she is too exhausted to relax properly. 'I love being a mum more than anything, but I just need some time to myself,' she told me yesterday.

I can understand how she feels, because when No 1 Son was little he went through a phase of not even letting me go to the loo without creating a massive tantrum. Major Separation Anxiety, in fact. What cured it for us was nursery – he soon realised there were far more interesting people in the world than Mummy (and they were all his height, too!) but I realise that's not an option for everyone.

If you have willing relatives then they can usually be persuaded to give you a few hours away from your offspring a week so you can go to the gym/go for a swim/meet up with your friends. But if you don't have anyone close by then even that can be difficult.

How much time do you get for yourself – and what are your tips for mums who feel that they never get any 'Me Time'?

written by Liz Jarvis


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7 Responses to How much time do you get to yourself?

  1. Karin @ Cafe Bebe says:

    This has been a struggle for me for 21 months (Little Miss is 21 months). I have had a really hard time letting go, personally. Little Miss doesn’t have the separation anxiety- I do! What I have managed to come up with is usually on Wednesday afternoons, I take Little Miss to her grandparent’s house for a few hours and I come back home to get some work done. My inlaws are great but they’re in their early 70’s so I don’t like to leave her with them for too long. Occasionally, hubby will take Little Miss out for a morning on Saturdays, thus giving me a bit of a break but it is hard. She’s very good with others and I am considering nursery or play group at some point because we don’t have a lot of little friends for her anymore. I think with a demanding, separation anxiety filled baby, you HAVE to put your foot down with hubby or inlaws and just CLAIM some time for yourself. Otherwise, you can’t be the mummy your baby needs. Even if it’s just for an hour or to have a rest without someone NEEDING you, you must do it. No one will do it for you, especially if you’ve been a "brave soldier" all along. People just don’t see your pain- we’re good at hiding it after all. Compromise, give and take…that’s the stuff. I wonder, however, how many hubbies have their own "thing"? I’m struggling with this right now…my hubby doesn’t really get any time to himself.

  2. leslieanne says:

    I don’t really get a lot of *me* time during the day- while the Mr’s at work, I’m basically on my own to keep the baby entertained – so I make sure we get out of the house and do *something* everyday, even if it’s just a walk to the post office & back – keeps me sane! When he gets home, the Mr takes over and gives me at least an hour in the evening to chill out, go for a bath, or just relax with a book or something. We also make the effort to go out for the evening, just the 2 of us at least twice a month, as evening baby sitters are in better supply than daytime ones! It’s hard sometimes, but I think that just makes you appreciate the small chunks of chill-out time you *do* get even more!

  3. Very Bored in Catalunya says:

    I almost feel guilty as I have a stupid amount of time to myself. Joseph goes to school full time so that gives me 5 hours a day, when he is home he is brilliant at entertaining himself and doesn’t need me too much. The only advice I can give is that it gets better as they get older, nursery is a godsend as well, even if it’s just one morning a week, great for them and a welcome rest for you.

  4. Natalie says:

    I have a childminder that my almost 3yo has been going to since she was around one. The number of days varies but it’s now generally 3 days per week. The 10 month old goes with her sometimes. These days are generally for going hell for leather with work although I’ve recently tried to include a little chill time in it. The boyf normally does something with them most weekends which frees up some time, or I force myself to make plans and meet up with the girls or something. Like a lot of my friends, if I don’t go out, I’ve also taken to doing stuff like sewing or escaping with a good book to the coffee shop. I got lazy about a lot of social stuff after having my first (working online can exacerbate this) and the boyf put his foot down so that I injected balance. Sometimes we have family help although my mum goes through peaks and troughs of reliability but we also try to regularly do stuff ‘alone’ as well. Next week we’re going on a weekend away (our first for ages) and at the end of the month, I’m off back home to Dublin for a few days…alone. I’ve also tried to get back into regular acupuncture & hair appointments – I’ve basically started re-nurturing myself. It’s working – I feel good which has a knock on effect.

  5. New Mummy says:

    Its really hard to find ‘me’ time during the day, when OH is working but I try and use one nap time a week to read or catch up on TV and stay away from the housework. My OH is really good so he takes over when he gets home. I try to take some me time on OH’s days off even if its an hour to soak in the bath, it makes all the difference. Sometimes my MIL will have her for the day which is really nice though catching up on houseworkhousewor

  6. New Mummy says:

    Sorry computer went made that last work should have said housework lol

  7. Claire says:

    I have come to the conclusion that, and I think it was Fay Wheldon that said it, you can have a family & work, you can have a family & a social life, you can work & have a social life but you can have all three! Mr & I share the housework during the weekday evenings so we have Friday & Saturday evening together or take it in turns to go out. I clean the bathroom whilst the kids are in the bath which is my favourite time saver! But pretty much days are spent looking after the children, when they are in bed/napping I work/do household admin & chores and fall into bed exhausted usually in the small hours of the morning. Look forward to more tips!


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